Achieving Kateness

My Kung Fu Academy offers several classes beyond regular Kung Fu, that started around March or so.  One of them is a Cardio Class on Wednesdays, and one of them is a HIT (High Intensity Training) class on Thursdays.  J. and I started taking both.  They’re brutal in different ways, and I have a love/hate relationship with them.  On the one hand, it’s really, really hard.  Being so overweight, I frequently cannot keep up.  On the other hand, even though I haven’t necessarily dropped tons of weight, I’m definitely in better shape.  I can go a little further, work a little harder, last a little longer.  Yay.  When new people come in I like to imagine them thinking “Wow, that fat girl can keep up!”  I can do pushups now.  I rediscovered my loathing of lunges.  I punch harder.

The downside is, every now and then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and man, is it ever depressing.  There’s fat flying everywhere!  Mostly around the mid section, but it’s not confined to just that – let me tell you, jumping rope is NOT kind to fat people.  Neither are jumping jacks.  In fact, our first round of jumping jacks prompted me to go out and pay almost $70 for a new sports bra designed specifically for massive ta-tas because it was so uncomfortable to jump around (side note: how the hell did I manage running!?).
Anyway, with a month before the belt test, I had an idea…what if I use this to kick start my weight loss?  I could make some good progress in a month, and the short-term motivation is perfect.  Not that I’d get super-skinny in just 4 weeks, but I could at least get to the point where the people who knew me would say “damn, she’s lost some wieght!” instead of “Wow, it’s Kung Fu Hippo.”

Of course I have a little problem with dieting, known as Binge-Eating Disorder, and super-strict rules and calorie counting frequently make me have a nervous breakdown right into a box of cupcakes.  However, I think if there was a definite end in sight, it might be ok.  It works out that I leave for Vegas for work/vacation 2 days after the test so not only would it b doubly helpful, but I’d have vacation to unwind and hopefully un-crazy.

I’m going to do it…one month of eating well, exercising, and living/sleeping/breathing Kung Fu.

I kind of wondered when they would talk about belts.  Martial arts have belt tests.  I don’t know if this is mostly a United States phenomenon or something carried forth from the ancient dojos, but regardless of what type of art you take, you’re going to get a belt at some point.  There’s no real standard – it’s up to the individual school and some places have a veritable rainbow to work your way through.  Most of the time they charge extra for the belt tests so it’s no wonder.

My Kung Fu Academy is no exception.  White, the universal beginner.  Yellow, always the next step after white.  Then green, brown, red, black.
I find the order disturbing.  Brown should be immediately before black – that’s how it usually is.  I know I just said there’s not standard but there is a consensus.  And I’m disappointed – no blue?  no purple?  When I took tae kwon do I was most motivated to work towards the belts of colors I liked.  I hate every color in our spectrum.  Except black.  But a black belt is years away, so I’m stuck here at the bottom of the ugliest rainbow ever.

When they first announced a belt test, I said no way.  J. agreed.  I remembered belt tests from tae kwon do.  You stand up there, the tiny dojo packed with parents and kids and strangers, and are asked to execute moves, forms.  I hated it.  I thought having to do it here would crush my budding love of Kung Fu.  Then Instructor Seth told us in class that we should test for yellow.  I said no thanks.  J. said ok.  I was annoyed.  I thought we were in this together?  I thought we would talk about any new decisions.  I guess not.  I said no thanks anyway.  I joked about being at black belt level, but still wearing a white belt in 10 years.

They dropped more clues about the test in class.  We began reviewing concepts over and over.  2 minutes of Chain Punching, after a 30 minute endurance test.  3 forms for yellow belt.  All 7 forms for green.  One night, while practicing forms outside, Instructor Seth came out to help us.  He casually mentioned that you can skip your yellow belt and go right to green.  “You guys should think about it,” he said, “If you think you’re ready.”

Of course, J. wanted to.  I was more annoyed.  Now I felt like he was trying to one up me.  I said I still didn’t want to.  I think he was happy.  Bragging rights, that’s all belts are.  There’s a woman in my class who is testing for a black belt.  I was shocked to see that.  She’s….well, she’s not at all what I imagine a black belt to be.  Her punches are weak.  She doesn’t seem to know any more than anyone else in class.  It doesn’t seem like she really puts in much effort.

Later that night on IM I admitted to J. – I was afraid of the test.  Afraid of standing in front of all those people, afraid of failing.  “Every time a new challenge comes up,” I told him, “My first thought is automatically, ‘I can’t do it.’  But at some point, I’m going to have to start believing in myself.”  He said that sealed the deal for him – he was going for green.  “If you don’t do this,” he said, “Let it be because it’s not something that interests you – not because you’re afraid.”

I knew I was going to have to do it.
Fortunately there is nothing that drives me crazy like being left out of something.  When I get invited to two different things at the same time on the same day I often say yes to both and then agonize over which one to attend.  I viewed this the same way – I didn’t want to be left out of a belt.  As much as I despised the idea of getting up in front of all those strangers and being drilled, and having to go back and memorize the names of all the forms and drill them into my head and endless chain punching and horse stance, I didn’t want J. to have a green belt if I didn’t.  It’s not that I don’t want him to succeed.  I just don’t want to be left out.

So on June 25th, 2010, I’m doing my first belt test in Kung Fu.  May it be the first of many.

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”

~Carl Bard

Every now and then, I feel the need to shrug off the shackles of my past archives and start anew.  Although there’s always value in looking over the road we’ve traveled, sometimes it’s better to keep our eyes squarely focused on the unending journey ahead.  So to that end I have removed all of my previous posts and stored them away in a zipped archive which I will probably peruse 20 years from now and wonder what I was thinking.  In the meantime, though, I can refocus this blog.  It’s still about Achieving Kateness, but I want to focus more on Kung Fu and developing my mental state rather than workout logs and the 8,000 time I tried to make myself get up early and run.

Seriously, getting up early sucks.

So yeah, welcome, or welcome back.

*gin lai*